WHAT CAN I GIVE YOU THIS CHRISTMAS?

Panahon na naman ng kapaskuhan. Panahon na naman ng exchange gifts.  Last Tuesday (Dec. 17, 2013) ay Christmas Party nila Diko Amiel sa school.  He told me that he will shoulder the gift for his teacher.  I usually buy their teachers a gift during Christmas. But this year, nagkusa na siyang siya na ang bumili ng gift for his teacher.  Natuwa nama ako. Pero may twist pala yun. Dahil in return, I have to pay for his exchange gift.  Well, pumayag na rin ako kasi at least, nakalibre man lang ako sa iba.  He went to PCBS and bought not only for two persons but for four.  I asked him why he bought four. He said he will give it to two others. He asked me to wrap all the gifts which I gladly did.

Wednesday afternoon nang bumaba siya at sinabing ililibre niya raw ako ng pagkain sa labas. I am trying to diet these days.  Yes, diet on Christmas.  Sadista lang ang peg ko.  Hahahaha!  But dahil ililibre niya ako, kinalimutan ko na muna ang pagpapapayat.  I told him I want to eat in Jollibee.  Habang nasa daan kami, nasabi niya sa akin na gusto niyang i-donate ang pera niya.  I immediately told him na sa akin niya na lang i-donate.  Hahahahahaha!  Pero hindi niya ikinatuwa yun. Huhuhu! My next suggestion is sa church niya ibigay.  He refused again.

Among my kids, it is Diko Amiel who knows how to save.  Siya ay may pinakamaliit na allowance sa school pero siya ang may pinakamaraming naiipon.  Minsan nga, humihiram pa ako sa kanya.

Inside the Jollibee ay kainan kami at kuwentuhan.

Order namin

Me:  Kanino mo ibinigay yung dalawa mo pang regalo sa Christmas party niyo?
Amiel: Yung sa isa kong classmate na babae.  Hindi kasi sila magkasundo ng nanay niya.  Yung isa naman, sa isa kong kaklase na may problema rin.

Me: Sa Sunday ay My Birthday Gift to Jesus sa church.  Doon mo na lang ibigay ang gusto mong ibigay.
Amiel:  Gusto ko kasing bigyan e yung tao talaga na nangangailangan.

Kain uli kami.  Ang tagal kasi ng hamburger dumating.  Hahahahaha!

Me: Si Ayan na lang ang bigyan mo.  Nanghihingi sa akin ng tsinelas yun.
Amiel:  Ganon ba? Ok( Si Ayan yung member namin sa church na former drug addict na ulila na sa ina na may ibang pamilya na ang ama na  nag-iisa na lamang sa bahay na laging pumupunta sa aming bahay para makikain na gustong makitira sa amin na nanghihingi ngayon ng tsinelas).

Dumukot si Diko Amiel sa kanyang bulsa.

Pambili ng tsinelas

Nang hapon na yun.  Tuwang-tuwa ako kay Diko Amiel kasi nilibre niya ako.  Priceless kapag nililibre ng anak ang magulang.  Pero ang higit na priceless ay ang matutunan ng anak ko na magbigay sa iba.

Amiel:  Papa, masarap pala sa pakiramdam yung nakakapagbigay ka
Me: (Speechless)

Naalala ko tuloy yung usapan namin kahapon ng isang miyembro na namatayan ng tiyahin ng kanyang asawa.  Dahil daw sa may ipamamana yung namatay, nag-aaway-away na raw ang mga tagapagmana.  Naisip ko tuloy na minsan, masama pa yung may iiwan kang materyal sa mga anak mo pagyao mo.  At natutuwa naman ako na ma-realized na kung natutunan nga ni Diko Amiel sa akin ang pagiging mapagbigay sa nangangailangan, masaya na akong iyon ang ipamamana ko sa mga anak ko.

Tamang-tama naman ang kuwento kong ito sa journaling ko today.  Sabi kasi sa Psalm 41:1-2, "Blessed is the one who considers the poor!  In the day of trouble the Lord delivers him; the Lord protects him and keeps him alive; he is called blessed in the land; you do not give him up to the will of his enemies."

Isa pang naalala ko ay yung kantang, What Can I Give You This Christmas?  Nasagot na yun ni Diko.  Sana ganuon din ang sagot sa ating lahat:)

A SHELTER FOR MANY

It is my nature to be accommodating.  I would like to make people feel comfortable with me.  It gives me pressure to have guests because I would like to give more than I can just to entertain them.  And I feel disappointment if I feel that I am not able to do so.

Last Sunday, December 8, 2013 was our Family Sunday in the church.  As always, we had an invited speaker. And as the occasion calls for, he would be speaking about the family.

When his turn to speak came, he started with giving prophecy to families through the painting of his wife.  Yes, his wife paints and the painting has a prophetic meaning.  Prior to the giving of painting, the speaker asked about my family.  I told him some of my family members were not around.

They had to give three paintings.  The first went to our lay leader's family. The said family was asked how do they understand the painting.   I was expecting to be called and since only two of us in the family were present that Sunday made me feel uncomfortable.

But I was not called after our lay leader instead another family was given the painting. While the second family was listening to the prophetic meaning of the painting ready by the painter herself, the third painting was visible to me.  I love the painting but was not ready to receive it. I think everybody was expecting that our family will be called the first but was not called the next.  So, I was relieved and thought that no painting will be given to me.

But I was wrong.  I was called.  And I was happy to accept the painting that I instantly fell in love with.

The Painting I love

Just as the other two families were asked what do they think of the painting, I said mine.  I told the speaker and his wife that the color green that is predominant in the painting is my favorite.  It symbolized hope and life.  And every family needs hope for it faces different challenges.  The fruits of the trees symbolized the calling to every family, that is, to bear fruit not just biologically but spiritually and other forms of growth. I said to them that although I have many children, I keep on considering more children especially in youth of the church.

The Prophetic Meaning I Claim

Our deaconess (woman church worker) could not agree more and was in tears when she was hearing the prophecy to me.  She said to herself, "He is really the prophecy,"  She shared this when we were talking with each other after the service.

I was so grateful to the giver of the painting.  Not only the painting is beautiful, but also meaningful.  After all, I was not wrong to be helpful and accommodating to other people, to less fortunate people.  To others, I was too kind to a fault.  But the prophecy tells me otherwise.

They say that "A picture/painting speaks of a thousand words." I say that a prophecy fulfills itself even after a thousand years:)

ANG KUWENTO NA FIVE YEARS IN THE MAKING

For five years ay hinihintay ko ang balitang ito.

For five years, panay ang tanong ko.

For five years, nag-aalala ako.

Last October, naka-five years na ako.  Yipee!

Last Saturday, nasabi sa akin ng nanay ko, "Tapos na ako sa paggagamot.  Sa isang taon na ang balik ko sa ospital."

Itsurang "ok" lang ang pagtanggap ko sa balita ng nanay ko.  Ganon din ka-casual ang pagtanggap ko nang five years ago ay sabihin ng nanay ko sa amin na, "may breast cancer ako!" Yes, my mother is a cancer survivor. Isang karanasang napakahirap sabihin lalo pa ang maranasan.

But deep inside I was so happy to hear her free of medicines and free of cancer cells.  Deep inside I was shouting and jumping for joy dahil sa kabutihan ng Panginoon.

Deep inside I was so worried and scared the first time she broke the news of her ailment.  I remember nagkita kami sa Philippine General Hospital for her check up.  Galing siya ng Tondo habang sa Cavite naman ako.  That was the day the doctor's diagnosis will be released.

Sa harap ng doctor, magkatapat kaming nakaupo ng nanay ko.  "Cancer ang sakit mo" pagtatapat ng duktor.  Agad akong nagtanong, "Anong stage po Doc?"  "Stage 2" ang kanyang sagot.

Lunchtime nang umalis kami sa clinic.  Humanap kami ng makakainan.  Walang gaanong imikan. Pinipilit na gawing normal na ang lahat ng bagay habang kani-kanina  lang ay para kaming nasa Hiroshima na sinabugan ng bomba.  Pumunta sa comfort room ang aking nanay. Siya ay medyo nagtagal.  Naisip ko na lang, baka doon saglit siyang umiyak at umimik.  Bumalik siya na walang bakas ng anuman sa kanyag mukha.  That afternoon, I knew and I proven how strong my mother as a person.That afternoon, we both tried to be brave for each other.  We both tried to fight against our fears.  My mother feared for her life.  I feared for a mother-less life.

It is self explanatory why my mother's case was that scary.  I think I am the one who have to explain my fear.  It is not just a fear of losing a mother.  It is also a fear of losing one's strength, of losing one's best friend.

Life with my mother is not perfect.  Life without her is worst.  Had my mother gone five years ago.  I do not know how could I assume the responsibilities which I am certain will be transferred on my shoulders.  Yes, responsibilities for my family and extended families is what my mother and I hand in hand shared.

I encouraged my mother to hold on and fight for her life.  I sent her daily encouragement.  I prayed for her. I told God, 'Lord, we just simply can't face this ordeal and shoulder the financial burden.  I just simply want my mother healed."

I guess, I have prayed the sincerest prayer that time that the Lord answered my prayers.  After my mother's operation and the biopsy, one afternoon, she was in the hospital to buy medicines, she called up to me crying, "Nel, sabi ng doctor, hindi na raw ako kailangang mag chemo.  Oral medicines na lang daw ako."  I was crying while I was listening to her. I was able to hold back my tears on the news of her sickness but on the news of her initial healing, I simply could not.  After all, THE TEARS OF JOY is the sweetest tears of all.

From then on, my mother's visit to the hospital started from

monthly

to every three months,

to every six months for five years and until now that she has passed the five year period to declare her CANCER FREE!

Having five more years of life is a blessing beyond compared.  Especially if within those years, there is a mother, a best friend and a source of strength:)

WAIT LANG

Kumusta na kayo mga readers? Nandiyan pa ba kayo? Dapat yata kayo ang magtanong sa akin kung nandito pa rin ako.  Hahahahahaha! It's been 1 1/2 month na rin kasi mula nang huling post ko.  Actually, may mga naisusulat naman ako pero puro drafts nga lang. Hahahahaha! Dahil sa matagal na rin akong nahinto, ang hirap na namang magsimula.

Bakit nga ba ako natagalan? Siyempre may mga dahilan.  Pinakamadaling sabihin ay dahil sa kaabalahan. I must say na masyado lang naging makulay ang buhay ko na sa sobrang kulay ay hindi ko alam kung paano ko isusulat.  Kung ang ating bansa ay dinaanan ng iba't ibang kalamidad, ganoon din sa personal  kong buhay.  Yung feeling ko tapos na pero may mga aftermaths pa pala. Hahahahahaha!

Anyway, bakit ba kailangan ang post kong ito? Wala lang, just to set the mode and the tone siguro.  Gusto ko lang sigurong sabihin na eto na naman ako at hihingi ng konting panahon niyo para pakinggan ang pang-araw-araw na buhay ko.

Gusto ko nang bumalik uli sa aking pagsusulat.  Siya nga pala, andito ngayon si Ayan. Kumakain habang nagsusulat ako nitong post na ito.  Wala pa ring ipinagbago.  Nanghihingi pa rin ng saklolo.  Kaunti pa rin ang naitutulong ko.  Sa gitna ng kanyang pagkain, tinanong niya ako kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng salitang "talikdan"? Sagot ko, "kinalimutan" o "iniwanan".   Wala lang, may mga bagay lang na kailangan kong talikdan na at iwanan.  There is no use of holding on.  In the same manner, may mga bagay na kailangan namang balikan gaya ng pagsusulat ko at ang mga bumabasa nito.

I pray na bukas ay may sunod na post na ako.  Ika nga ng laging sagot sa akin ni Amen Learn, "Wait lang,":0

HULING ARAW NG SETYEMBRE

Tanghaling tapat ngunit humahagupit ang ulan
Nagbibigay alalahanin sa mga bagay na gagawin
Dahil katulad  ng madalas na nangyayari
Sa pagbuhos ng ulan, nababalam ang marami .

Ika-apat ng hapon nang kami ay makaalis
Tumila na ang ulan pero oras naman ng uwian
Siksikan, tulakan, alitan ang matutunghayan
Saan man sa mga pampublikong sasakyan.

Huling araw ngayon ng  Setyembre
Huling araw  rin sana ng pag-ulan
Huling araw  rin sana ng pagkabalam
Ng takbo ng buhay at ng mga sasakyan.

Nagpasalin-salin sa tatlong sasakyan
Kasama ako, tatlo kaming tinahak ang daan
Panahon na naman ng hatiran
Pagkikita'y  sa katapusan na naman ng buwan.

Kung puwede lang sana na wala na ang sunduan
Lalo naman sanang puwedeng wala na ang hatiran
Upang hindi na mag-aalala sakaling umulan man
At magpasalin-salin sa mga sasakyan.

Ngunit gaya ng ulan na biglang bumubuhos
Unos ng buhay minsan ay padalus-dalos
Mararamdaman na lamang na ikaw ay basa
At ang baha ay tumataas, rumaragasa.

Kung maaari lang sana ay huwag munang makita
Upang sakit ng damdamin huwag manariwa
Subalit anong magagawa kung may nagdudugtong
Mga batang ihahatid at susunduin sa istasyon.

Inalok ng kape at tinapay nang dumating.
Kahit ayaw galawin ay napilitan man din.
Mga mata ng ibang tao ay nakatingin.
Kahit paano ayaw na ikaw  ay pahiyain.

Sunud-sunod ang subo at panay-panay ang lagok
Sa tinapay at kape na ang lasa'y kagyat na nalimot
Dahil mas mapait pa sa kape at matabang pa sa tinapay
Ang sakit na idinulot ng ginawa mo sa aking buhay.

Matapos kumain, muling inalok ng panibago
Tama nang minsan, gaya ng minsan akong niloko.
Bagama't nag-aalangan ang loob ay nilakasan
Tumayo na at nagpaalam, handa nang lumisan,

Matapos magpaalam sa mga hinahatid at sinusundo
Lumakad na ako papalabas ng pinto
Inihatid na animo'y nandoon pa ang pagsuyo
O baka naman iwas lamang sa sasabihin ng tao.

Walang lingun-lingon ako ay lumakad
Matapos ang matipid na paalam at paiwas na tinginan
Pinilit ituwid ang lakad ng nanghihinang katawan
Habang nagmamadali na makarating sa sakayan,

Pag liko sa kanto ang luha ay pumatak
Tumila na ang ulan ngunit hindi ang pag-iyak
Huling araw na nga Setyembre, marahil ulan ay huli na rin.
Ngunit ang sakit ng damdamin ay nadarama pa rin.

Kung kailan matatapos ang pag-iyak ay di alam
Nanalangin na sana ay may mapagdiskitahan
Upang bigong damdamin sa lungkot ay  mapigilan
At sumikat na ang araw pagkatapos ng ulan.

MY HUSBAND'S LOVER'S LOVER

Last Sunday, aking inamin at ikinumpisal sa mga miyembro during my sermon na ako ay masugid na tagasubaybay ng mapangahas na teleserye sa GMA na My Husband's Lover(MHL).  Being a gay-themed series, I am not sure what would people's judgment on the soap opera and to the people who watch it.  I got negative reactions from some of my members on the said teleserye. One time when the youth in the church had an overnight activity over a member's house and the television happened to be tuned on MHL, one of our youth leaders remarked, "Bakit yan?"  One Sunday, during lunchtime, the mother of the said youth leader also expressed her dislike on MHL. Those reactions gave me a feeling of keeping my fondness of MHL to myself.

Why do I watch MHL?  More than its controversial theme, it is soap opera for everybody.  It makes the viewers realize that gayness has something to do with the things we also value like true love,  family, friendship, responsibility, forgiveness and others.

It is not an ordinary teleserye were missing baby or mother abound, villains who are more evil than Satan, dream sequence, kidnapping, resurrection of the dead and other plot that insult the intelligence of the viewers.

MHL is a groundbreaking program not just because of its subject but also on the treatment of the subject.  Sa teleseryeng ito naturuan ang mga tao na gay can be as normal as other people except that they prefer same sex for a lover. That they can be a successful professionals like Architect, Businessman and Chef at hindi lang isang screaming faggot na parlorista.

 The camera angle, thespic prowess of the all the casts, employment of objects as co-actors to highlight the emotions and drama of the teleserye  are all commendable.  This teleserye make you notice and appreciate the drinking glass, the lady bag, the cellphone, the elevator, the shoes and the condominium unit as part of the acting ensembles.

In this teleserye, every actor shift from being a protagonist and an antagonist from time to time.  There are no "Bella Flores" and "Eddie Garcia" type of villain here.

If there is plenty in MHL, it is the quotable quotes.  One can relate to one or two of those lessons.  One cannot avoid quoting them themselves.

In short, MHL is REALISTIC, BOLD AND UNPREDICTABLE soap opera.  It is about to end and yet, viewers are still guessing how it will be?  And based of the sudden and unexpected shift and turn that characterize this teleserye, it can be anybody's guess.  That makes it kaabang-abang talaga!

I must say that MHL indeed succeeds in setting the bar higher in doing soap opera in our country.  If other networks can produce another teleserye that will trend even beyond the world, only then they can top the record set by MHL.  Since Day 1, the Philippines and the rest of the world are talking about it.

So, why do I have to include MHL in my sermon?  It is because I talked about the "predictability in the church" that makes it boring and unattactive.

In the church, we sing the same song for the longest years.  We sit on the same pew Sunday after Sunday.  We attend the same activities year after year.  We hear messages that just repeat what the Bible has already said Sunday after Sunday.  We know when we will sit and stand in our mass or service.  We hear the same people dominate our Bible Studies and Sunday School.  It is always the same faces, places and results in the church.

The church does not set trends because it does not do anything new.  People are not excited to come to church because it will have no effect to their lives.  The church ended up as "passive listeners" than "active catalyst" of the society.

At para naman, may karamay ako sakaling ako ay i-persecute ng congregation dahil hindi ako nagiging modelo kung ano ang dapat panoorin, isinama ko na rin sa confession ko ang dalawang members na alam kong fan din ng MHL.  Hahahahahaha!

At mukhang hindi lang ako ang pastor na mapepersecute dahil I realized na among the pastors, marami rin pala ang mga MY HUSBAND'S LOVER'S LOVERS.  While I was attending a mentoring among church workers this afternoon, I overheard one saying, My Husband's Lover sa discussion namin whenever we talk about gay issue.  Nang tumunog ang Iphone ng lecturer namin, react agad ang mga pastors na ang tumatawag daw ay si Vincent o kaya si Lally.  We all know, that the main cast of MHL uses Iphone for a phone. Kaya identified na ang ring tone na yon sa MHL.  Hahahahaha!  Di ba obvious na affected ang buong bayan?  Natuwa naman ako dahil hindi naman pala ako nag-iisang nanonood. Hindi pala dapat confession ang ginawa ko last Sunday kundi PROMOTION.  Hahahahahaha!   I became more proud to be a My Husband's Lover's Lover.  Hahahahahaha!

I just hope that the popularity of this teleserye even among church workers would translate to the reaching the objective of the production people behind MHL.  That of being bold and unpredictable.

Some would like to extend MHL.  Some are suggesting how it will end.  Me, I don't care although I will miss MHL.  It is just enough for me to love a story that does not come everyday.

IF LOVING MY HUSBAND'S LOVER  IS A SIN, THEN I AM GUILTY!

ON INTUITION AND DREAMS

While the owner of the cellphone was fast asleep, suddenly a message came in.  I am not the type of person who pry on somebody's gadget.  But that very moment, I didn't know why I had this urge to read the message.  After reading the thread of the conversation, I was no longer sure if it was right for me to read a private's message, a very private one.  All I knew that night was, I could hardly slept.

But being a non-believer of what we call "intuition," I tried hard to brush off my "suspicion."  I tried to have faith in the person.  I retained my full trust.  After all, I am not a woman who heavily rely on intution.

We Filipinos called "intuition" as kutob.  It is a feeling that something is wrong somewhere.

Another mysterious thing that I am not a fan of is "dream."  Lalo na at may kasabihan tayo na kabaligtaran ng katotohanan ang panaginip. Late last year when I kept on dreaming about snakes and other animals biting and attacking me.  To dream such dream once can be  dismissed right away but having dream about it four times  can be alarming and  burdensome.  I prayed that Joseph the Dreamer would come back to life and help me interpret my dreams.

I search on the internet on the possible interpretation.  Some say that it has something to do with betrayal.  As to who will betray and how, I did not have any idea.  Good thing, the dreaming stopped. So was the burden.

But the reality came.  My intuition and dreams were right all along.  My suspicion was right.  I was indeed betrayed.  All I can utter one afternoon was, "Kaya pala, Kayo pala."  But it was too late.  If only I have followed my intuition and believed in my dreams.  I could have done something to prevent something.  I chose to trust.  We do make bad choices in life.  Next time, I will try harder to give intuition and dream a try.

I am not saying that I am now a fan of "intuition" and "dream".  It is just that I learned  that God can use the two "phenomena" to reveal something to us.  As what happened to me, in time, our intuition and dream might turn into a reality.