ANG KUWENTO NA FIVE YEARS IN THE MAKING

For five years ay hinihintay ko ang balitang ito.

For five years, panay ang tanong ko.

For five years, nag-aalala ako.

Last October, naka-five years na ako.  Yipee!

Last Saturday, nasabi sa akin ng nanay ko, "Tapos na ako sa paggagamot.  Sa isang taon na ang balik ko sa ospital."

Itsurang "ok" lang ang pagtanggap ko sa balita ng nanay ko.  Ganon din ka-casual ang pagtanggap ko nang five years ago ay sabihin ng nanay ko sa amin na, "may breast cancer ako!" Yes, my mother is a cancer survivor. Isang karanasang napakahirap sabihin lalo pa ang maranasan.

But deep inside I was so happy to hear her free of medicines and free of cancer cells.  Deep inside I was shouting and jumping for joy dahil sa kabutihan ng Panginoon.

Deep inside I was so worried and scared the first time she broke the news of her ailment.  I remember nagkita kami sa Philippine General Hospital for her check up.  Galing siya ng Tondo habang sa Cavite naman ako.  That was the day the doctor's diagnosis will be released.

Sa harap ng doctor, magkatapat kaming nakaupo ng nanay ko.  "Cancer ang sakit mo" pagtatapat ng duktor.  Agad akong nagtanong, "Anong stage po Doc?"  "Stage 2" ang kanyang sagot.

Lunchtime nang umalis kami sa clinic.  Humanap kami ng makakainan.  Walang gaanong imikan. Pinipilit na gawing normal na ang lahat ng bagay habang kani-kanina  lang ay para kaming nasa Hiroshima na sinabugan ng bomba.  Pumunta sa comfort room ang aking nanay. Siya ay medyo nagtagal.  Naisip ko na lang, baka doon saglit siyang umiyak at umimik.  Bumalik siya na walang bakas ng anuman sa kanyag mukha.  That afternoon, I knew and I proven how strong my mother as a person.That afternoon, we both tried to be brave for each other.  We both tried to fight against our fears.  My mother feared for her life.  I feared for a mother-less life.

It is self explanatory why my mother's case was that scary.  I think I am the one who have to explain my fear.  It is not just a fear of losing a mother.  It is also a fear of losing one's strength, of losing one's best friend.

Life with my mother is not perfect.  Life without her is worst.  Had my mother gone five years ago.  I do not know how could I assume the responsibilities which I am certain will be transferred on my shoulders.  Yes, responsibilities for my family and extended families is what my mother and I hand in hand shared.

I encouraged my mother to hold on and fight for her life.  I sent her daily encouragement.  I prayed for her. I told God, 'Lord, we just simply can't face this ordeal and shoulder the financial burden.  I just simply want my mother healed."

I guess, I have prayed the sincerest prayer that time that the Lord answered my prayers.  After my mother's operation and the biopsy, one afternoon, she was in the hospital to buy medicines, she called up to me crying, "Nel, sabi ng doctor, hindi na raw ako kailangang mag chemo.  Oral medicines na lang daw ako."  I was crying while I was listening to her. I was able to hold back my tears on the news of her sickness but on the news of her initial healing, I simply could not.  After all, THE TEARS OF JOY is the sweetest tears of all.

From then on, my mother's visit to the hospital started from

monthly

to every three months,

to every six months for five years and until now that she has passed the five year period to declare her CANCER FREE!

Having five more years of life is a blessing beyond compared.  Especially if within those years, there is a mother, a best friend and a source of strength:)

WAIT LANG

Kumusta na kayo mga readers? Nandiyan pa ba kayo? Dapat yata kayo ang magtanong sa akin kung nandito pa rin ako.  Hahahahahaha! It's been 1 1/2 month na rin kasi mula nang huling post ko.  Actually, may mga naisusulat naman ako pero puro drafts nga lang. Hahahahaha! Dahil sa matagal na rin akong nahinto, ang hirap na namang magsimula.

Bakit nga ba ako natagalan? Siyempre may mga dahilan.  Pinakamadaling sabihin ay dahil sa kaabalahan. I must say na masyado lang naging makulay ang buhay ko na sa sobrang kulay ay hindi ko alam kung paano ko isusulat.  Kung ang ating bansa ay dinaanan ng iba't ibang kalamidad, ganoon din sa personal  kong buhay.  Yung feeling ko tapos na pero may mga aftermaths pa pala. Hahahahahaha!

Anyway, bakit ba kailangan ang post kong ito? Wala lang, just to set the mode and the tone siguro.  Gusto ko lang sigurong sabihin na eto na naman ako at hihingi ng konting panahon niyo para pakinggan ang pang-araw-araw na buhay ko.

Gusto ko nang bumalik uli sa aking pagsusulat.  Siya nga pala, andito ngayon si Ayan. Kumakain habang nagsusulat ako nitong post na ito.  Wala pa ring ipinagbago.  Nanghihingi pa rin ng saklolo.  Kaunti pa rin ang naitutulong ko.  Sa gitna ng kanyang pagkain, tinanong niya ako kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng salitang "talikdan"? Sagot ko, "kinalimutan" o "iniwanan".   Wala lang, may mga bagay lang na kailangan kong talikdan na at iwanan.  There is no use of holding on.  In the same manner, may mga bagay na kailangan namang balikan gaya ng pagsusulat ko at ang mga bumabasa nito.

I pray na bukas ay may sunod na post na ako.  Ika nga ng laging sagot sa akin ni Amen Learn, "Wait lang,":0

HULING ARAW NG SETYEMBRE

Tanghaling tapat ngunit humahagupit ang ulan
Nagbibigay alalahanin sa mga bagay na gagawin
Dahil katulad  ng madalas na nangyayari
Sa pagbuhos ng ulan, nababalam ang marami .

Ika-apat ng hapon nang kami ay makaalis
Tumila na ang ulan pero oras naman ng uwian
Siksikan, tulakan, alitan ang matutunghayan
Saan man sa mga pampublikong sasakyan.

Huling araw ngayon ng  Setyembre
Huling araw  rin sana ng pag-ulan
Huling araw  rin sana ng pagkabalam
Ng takbo ng buhay at ng mga sasakyan.

Nagpasalin-salin sa tatlong sasakyan
Kasama ako, tatlo kaming tinahak ang daan
Panahon na naman ng hatiran
Pagkikita'y  sa katapusan na naman ng buwan.

Kung puwede lang sana na wala na ang sunduan
Lalo naman sanang puwedeng wala na ang hatiran
Upang hindi na mag-aalala sakaling umulan man
At magpasalin-salin sa mga sasakyan.

Ngunit gaya ng ulan na biglang bumubuhos
Unos ng buhay minsan ay padalus-dalos
Mararamdaman na lamang na ikaw ay basa
At ang baha ay tumataas, rumaragasa.

Kung maaari lang sana ay huwag munang makita
Upang sakit ng damdamin huwag manariwa
Subalit anong magagawa kung may nagdudugtong
Mga batang ihahatid at susunduin sa istasyon.

Inalok ng kape at tinapay nang dumating.
Kahit ayaw galawin ay napilitan man din.
Mga mata ng ibang tao ay nakatingin.
Kahit paano ayaw na ikaw  ay pahiyain.

Sunud-sunod ang subo at panay-panay ang lagok
Sa tinapay at kape na ang lasa'y kagyat na nalimot
Dahil mas mapait pa sa kape at matabang pa sa tinapay
Ang sakit na idinulot ng ginawa mo sa aking buhay.

Matapos kumain, muling inalok ng panibago
Tama nang minsan, gaya ng minsan akong niloko.
Bagama't nag-aalangan ang loob ay nilakasan
Tumayo na at nagpaalam, handa nang lumisan,

Matapos magpaalam sa mga hinahatid at sinusundo
Lumakad na ako papalabas ng pinto
Inihatid na animo'y nandoon pa ang pagsuyo
O baka naman iwas lamang sa sasabihin ng tao.

Walang lingun-lingon ako ay lumakad
Matapos ang matipid na paalam at paiwas na tinginan
Pinilit ituwid ang lakad ng nanghihinang katawan
Habang nagmamadali na makarating sa sakayan,

Pag liko sa kanto ang luha ay pumatak
Tumila na ang ulan ngunit hindi ang pag-iyak
Huling araw na nga Setyembre, marahil ulan ay huli na rin.
Ngunit ang sakit ng damdamin ay nadarama pa rin.

Kung kailan matatapos ang pag-iyak ay di alam
Nanalangin na sana ay may mapagdiskitahan
Upang bigong damdamin sa lungkot ay  mapigilan
At sumikat na ang araw pagkatapos ng ulan.

MY HUSBAND'S LOVER'S LOVER

Last Sunday, aking inamin at ikinumpisal sa mga miyembro during my sermon na ako ay masugid na tagasubaybay ng mapangahas na teleserye sa GMA na My Husband's Lover(MHL).  Being a gay-themed series, I am not sure what would people's judgment on the soap opera and to the people who watch it.  I got negative reactions from some of my members on the said teleserye. One time when the youth in the church had an overnight activity over a member's house and the television happened to be tuned on MHL, one of our youth leaders remarked, "Bakit yan?"  One Sunday, during lunchtime, the mother of the said youth leader also expressed her dislike on MHL. Those reactions gave me a feeling of keeping my fondness of MHL to myself.

Why do I watch MHL?  More than its controversial theme, it is soap opera for everybody.  It makes the viewers realize that gayness has something to do with the things we also value like true love,  family, friendship, responsibility, forgiveness and others.

It is not an ordinary teleserye were missing baby or mother abound, villains who are more evil than Satan, dream sequence, kidnapping, resurrection of the dead and other plot that insult the intelligence of the viewers.

MHL is a groundbreaking program not just because of its subject but also on the treatment of the subject.  Sa teleseryeng ito naturuan ang mga tao na gay can be as normal as other people except that they prefer same sex for a lover. That they can be a successful professionals like Architect, Businessman and Chef at hindi lang isang screaming faggot na parlorista.

 The camera angle, thespic prowess of the all the casts, employment of objects as co-actors to highlight the emotions and drama of the teleserye  are all commendable.  This teleserye make you notice and appreciate the drinking glass, the lady bag, the cellphone, the elevator, the shoes and the condominium unit as part of the acting ensembles.

In this teleserye, every actor shift from being a protagonist and an antagonist from time to time.  There are no "Bella Flores" and "Eddie Garcia" type of villain here.

If there is plenty in MHL, it is the quotable quotes.  One can relate to one or two of those lessons.  One cannot avoid quoting them themselves.

In short, MHL is REALISTIC, BOLD AND UNPREDICTABLE soap opera.  It is about to end and yet, viewers are still guessing how it will be?  And based of the sudden and unexpected shift and turn that characterize this teleserye, it can be anybody's guess.  That makes it kaabang-abang talaga!

I must say that MHL indeed succeeds in setting the bar higher in doing soap opera in our country.  If other networks can produce another teleserye that will trend even beyond the world, only then they can top the record set by MHL.  Since Day 1, the Philippines and the rest of the world are talking about it.

So, why do I have to include MHL in my sermon?  It is because I talked about the "predictability in the church" that makes it boring and unattactive.

In the church, we sing the same song for the longest years.  We sit on the same pew Sunday after Sunday.  We attend the same activities year after year.  We hear messages that just repeat what the Bible has already said Sunday after Sunday.  We know when we will sit and stand in our mass or service.  We hear the same people dominate our Bible Studies and Sunday School.  It is always the same faces, places and results in the church.

The church does not set trends because it does not do anything new.  People are not excited to come to church because it will have no effect to their lives.  The church ended up as "passive listeners" than "active catalyst" of the society.

At para naman, may karamay ako sakaling ako ay i-persecute ng congregation dahil hindi ako nagiging modelo kung ano ang dapat panoorin, isinama ko na rin sa confession ko ang dalawang members na alam kong fan din ng MHL.  Hahahahahaha!

At mukhang hindi lang ako ang pastor na mapepersecute dahil I realized na among the pastors, marami rin pala ang mga MY HUSBAND'S LOVER'S LOVERS.  While I was attending a mentoring among church workers this afternoon, I overheard one saying, My Husband's Lover sa discussion namin whenever we talk about gay issue.  Nang tumunog ang Iphone ng lecturer namin, react agad ang mga pastors na ang tumatawag daw ay si Vincent o kaya si Lally.  We all know, that the main cast of MHL uses Iphone for a phone. Kaya identified na ang ring tone na yon sa MHL.  Hahahahaha!  Di ba obvious na affected ang buong bayan?  Natuwa naman ako dahil hindi naman pala ako nag-iisang nanonood. Hindi pala dapat confession ang ginawa ko last Sunday kundi PROMOTION.  Hahahahahaha!   I became more proud to be a My Husband's Lover's Lover.  Hahahahahaha!

I just hope that the popularity of this teleserye even among church workers would translate to the reaching the objective of the production people behind MHL.  That of being bold and unpredictable.

Some would like to extend MHL.  Some are suggesting how it will end.  Me, I don't care although I will miss MHL.  It is just enough for me to love a story that does not come everyday.

IF LOVING MY HUSBAND'S LOVER  IS A SIN, THEN I AM GUILTY!

ON INTUITION AND DREAMS

While the owner of the cellphone was fast asleep, suddenly a message came in.  I am not the type of person who pry on somebody's gadget.  But that very moment, I didn't know why I had this urge to read the message.  After reading the thread of the conversation, I was no longer sure if it was right for me to read a private's message, a very private one.  All I knew that night was, I could hardly slept.

But being a non-believer of what we call "intuition," I tried hard to brush off my "suspicion."  I tried to have faith in the person.  I retained my full trust.  After all, I am not a woman who heavily rely on intution.

We Filipinos called "intuition" as kutob.  It is a feeling that something is wrong somewhere.

Another mysterious thing that I am not a fan of is "dream."  Lalo na at may kasabihan tayo na kabaligtaran ng katotohanan ang panaginip. Late last year when I kept on dreaming about snakes and other animals biting and attacking me.  To dream such dream once can be  dismissed right away but having dream about it four times  can be alarming and  burdensome.  I prayed that Joseph the Dreamer would come back to life and help me interpret my dreams.

I search on the internet on the possible interpretation.  Some say that it has something to do with betrayal.  As to who will betray and how, I did not have any idea.  Good thing, the dreaming stopped. So was the burden.

But the reality came.  My intuition and dreams were right all along.  My suspicion was right.  I was indeed betrayed.  All I can utter one afternoon was, "Kaya pala, Kayo pala."  But it was too late.  If only I have followed my intuition and believed in my dreams.  I could have done something to prevent something.  I chose to trust.  We do make bad choices in life.  Next time, I will try harder to give intuition and dream a try.

I am not saying that I am now a fan of "intuition" and "dream".  It is just that I learned  that God can use the two "phenomena" to reveal something to us.  As what happened to me, in time, our intuition and dream might turn into a reality.

PAANO BA TATAMIS ANG BEER?

Attending a retreat, we were group by twos for a time of sharing.  We were asked to share about the people who hurt us the most in the past.  I admit, I was not ready to share because I have done telling about it many times in the past.  So I let my partner to start and share it all he can.

I listened to him talk about the people who hurt him.  The more I listen the more he talked until there was no time left for me to share.  But it was ok because that was  the best opportunity for him to share his feelings, his true feelings to someone whom he trust.

He said that he has nobody whom he can really pour out his innermost feelings.  Most of his friends are just there for random talks and superficial conversations.  He could not share it to his wife because he was afraid that he will be judged more than cared for.

We both felt that we need time to talk it over for a longer time in another place.  I was ok with that.  I like listening to people's story.

In the middle of our discussion, he suddenly asked me, "Umiinom ka ba ng beer?"  I was taken aback by his question.  But I recovered fast by saying, "I don't drink beer BUT I AM WILLING TO DRINK ONE if it is needed for him to be more open to me.

Like I said, drinking beer is not for me.  I hate its bitter taste.  Anything bitter, except "Ampalaya" I dislike.  I could not even stand bittersweet taste like other beverages available in the market.  I have a sweet, sour and salty tooth but not bitter tooth.  Hehehehehe!

If our talk happened back when I was still a conservative Christian, with pride I will say to him emphatically that I DON'T DRINK BEER AND I HATE PEOPLE DRINKING IT.  MORE SO, IF THOSE PEOPLE ARE CHRISTIANS.

But time changes. So do I. I no longer look at beer drinkers as evil.  There are more evil things than drinking beer, puffing a cigarette and other vices.  My saying no to drinking beer has something to do with health concerns.  Isa pa, hindi ko alam kung paano ako malasing.  Who knows? Baka kapag nalasing ako ay katulad ako ng mga tiyuhin ko at kakilala na kapag nalalasing ay nagiging:

• Sobrang "cheesy".  Lahat kini-kiss niyayakap at sinasabihan ng "i love you" kahit lalaki.  
• Sobrang "drama".  Iyak nang iyak at sabi nang sabi ng kanyang sama ng loob.
• Sobrang "war freak".  Ang tapang tapang kapag lasing, kahit sino inaaway.
• Sobrang "galante".  Namimigay ng pera pero kapag nahimasmasan ay binabawi ito.
• Sobrang "messy".  Nagsusuka, natutulog at umiihi kahit saan.
• Sobrang "lasing".  Naghuhubo't hubad habang natutulog.

O di ba? Iba-iba ang epekto ng alak sa tao. Iyan ang mga dahilan kung bakit ayaw kong matutong uminom ng beer.  Mabuti sana kung katulad ako ng tatay ko na itinutulog lang ang pagkalasing.  Eh paano kung isa sa mga nabanggit ko sa taas e mangyari kung malasing ako? Eh kung paano kung lahat ng yun ay gawin ko.  Hahahahahahaha!

Another thing that made me surprised by his question was he's having no issue with a pastor drinking beer.  Wala pa lang issue sa kanya kung nainom ng beer ang pastor niya.  Well, meron namang ganoong mga members na hindi itinuturing na nakakawala ng kabanalan ang pag-inom ng beer.

Last Sunday, nagkita na naman kami.  He reminded me again of the part two of our sharing.  Hindi niya pala ito nakakalimutan.  I told him I am just a text away.

I am looking forward to having that day; our drinking session.  The day I wouldn't mind drinking a beer.

Oo, mapait pa rin ang magiging  panlasa ko sa beer.  It will always be.

But what will make this beer "sweet" is because through it, I will able to listen to somebody who badly needs someone to talk to.  And it can only happen  OVER A BOTTLE OF BEER.:-)


Speaking of beer, let me share to you one of my favorite songs.  I love the song's concept more than anything else:-)



                      

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER ESPECIALLY IF IT COMES WITH LOTS OF CAKE

Last August 25, 2013, my church family and me had celebrated my 43rd birthday.  It is a belated celebration since my birthday is in on the 22nd.

We had a simple celebration after our evening worship service.  First, I am so grateful to God for giving me another year of life.  I turned 43 this year.  The week of my birthday was the time when Habagat and Typhoon Maring were devastating the whole of Luzon, submerging places in the cities and the provinces.  Our celebration was also a celebration of our lives; on how God spared our lives from the calamity.

My church family did not fail to remember my special day.  I am so thankful to those who greeted me in advance, on the day and even belated happy birthday.  They turned the celebration into a cake party because of these:

Thank you very much Desalisa Family!

Lots of thanks to Tadeo Family

A Round Cake from Valeroso Family.
Much, much thanks!

This comes from the combined efforts of the youth.
I especially thank the dedication on this cake!
Hahahahahahaha!

Aside from the cakes, there were also some generous hearts who showered the celebration with these:

This is Valdez Family's share.
Thank you very much!

From Valdez Family

I think this also comes from the Valdez's

The Regular giver of Shoimai.
Thank you so much Daisy Te Family

Betiong and Vergara Family's Buko Pandan.
Maraming salamat sa dessert!

Of course, the celebration would not be complete without these groups:

The Youth

Family Groups

Mixed Groups

And some like it trio:

And there is one who simply enjoys it solo:

There were people who were missed by my camera but were as important to this occasion.  I am deeply grateful to them also.  The camera of my heart caught you and never forgets you:-)

I also thank those people who were not in the celebration but made their presence thru their gifts.  Kilala niyo na po kung sinu-sino kayo.

Too bad, my parents, brothers and other kin were not able to come because my mother got sick that afternoon.  I also regret not having my two other children, Aiehn Deosjua and Aiah Dasha on my birthday celebration.  The weather was to blame:-(

Nonetheless, it was an enjoyable evening.  Looking forward to having another birthday celebration next year.

SORRY NGA PALA SA MAHABANG TITLE NG POST NA ITO. GUSTO KO LANG  KASING HUMABA PA ANG BUHAY KO:-0